People start blogging for warious reasons. For me it is mostly about being creative.
But to be honest with you, starting this blog is also a rather selfish thing.
I am 31 years old (just a month away from being 32), and I feel that I still haven’t found “my path”. So I want to blog about this while I do that 🙂
Have you heard about something called the quarter-life crisis? It is a really good article about it in Norwegian here, and here’s the English Wikipedia-page. Basically it’s the little sister of the mid life crisis, and whereas the mid life crisis is looking back and becomes depressed to think about what now is in the past (like youth) the quarter life crisis looks ahead with anxiety of becoming an adult. Although I am feeling great at the moment, I know I had – and still have – a personal crisis on this level. It is kind of like the Peter Pan-syndrome, only in a not very healthy way, because although it is a good thing to keep being childish, everybody needs to grow up (or for the mid life crisis: leave youth behind).
For me, it started for real last year. I didn’t know how to finish my master degree (or if I wanted to), I didn’t know if I wanted to be in the relationship I was in, and I didn’t get the jobs that I wanted (and I don’t think I tried very hard). All of this probably because doing all of these things, to stay, finish and work things out or get the permanet job would lead me directly over to the adult life. Ahhh – scary! *chills down my spine*. So I though: “I have always wanted to live in Germany”, and in fear of not being able to do that later on, naturally my solution was to leave everything behind. The life I had in Oslo, every possibility there, everything, and start all over in Germany. When to leave becomes the solution to all your problems – it is certainly not very healthy, and certainly not very grown up.
I am still not sure what I am going to do with my life, but I know that I need to do something creative. For me that have always been writing, but I am also very found of aesthetics and style – like fashion. And I truly believe that in order to become the person that I want to be, I need to stop thinking of what everybody else is doing and thinks is right – both for me, and them. When I switch to be confident in my own thoughts, I notice that I put my guard down; and I become myself. I go to job interviews wearing this read 70’s shirt with black pants – and I feel great about not choosing the plain white one. And I see the effect on others around me – they like me better! So now I say to myself every day that in order to get the respect that you want, you just need to be yourself – in every situation. So simple, and jet so hard. It took me all my 20’s to realize this: be yourself. Simply be yourself.
I write this because I think it is easy to think: “oh poor her, she is just not realizing her real problem – grow up and stop playing around”. I realized that even if I know that I am on the right path right now, and I want to follow it, this is not clear to others. You might even get embarrassed on my behalf, thinking, “she is just trying to hard”. Actually, for the first time in my life, I am not.
Keep your heads up, because I will update you on the job interview style later. 😉
Lots of ❤